Peru Pilgrimage and Vision Quest, 2021…dates not set yet

I invite you to come for an adventure of a lifetime!

The Sacred Valley of Peru.

Give yourself the GIFT of 12 days exploring the magical and spiritual land of the Sacred Valley in the Andes mountains.

Our pilgrimage will include a trip to Lake Titicaca and a Vision Quest at Kinsa Cocha. We will also visit some sacred sites and have time for yoga, rest, meditation, caco and kirtan and of course, shopping!.

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Shamanic Apprenticeship Training for 2020 in Mass.

The Creation Story

New Shamanic Training in Great Barrington,  Mass. starting March 13th, 2020

We will meet every other Friday from 10-5pm.

Locations: The Polarity Center & Shamanic Studies, 5 Forest Row, Great Barrington, Mass.

The Medicine way is to give tobacco to your teacher. I ask for this with a letter of why you wish to study with me. This will be on the alter for the entire nine months.
I am not doing deposits for this class. It feels better to work on an Honor System since this is an Apprenticeship class. You will pay when you come to class. Checks or cash please.

Starting in March , Rose will be starting a new apprenticeship training. for nine months . We will gather two weekdays a month, whatever  day that will work for the circle. I am only taking eight students.

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Compassionate Death, August 26th and Sept. 9th, 2019 in Mass.

A Shamanic Training for those interested in spiritually helping those on their Star Journey.

dragon on waterThis class will be taught in Md and 5 Forest Row, Great Barrington, Ma. I am inviting others to come to my Apprenticeship Class for this topic.


  Class on Thursday, August 26th, and Sept. 9th. 10-5 both days.

Come join Rose as she shares her wisdom on the Tibetan Buddhist and shamanic teaching on releasing this body to your star journey, also known as the final transition or death.

Price: $150 per day. Sliding scale upon request.

Compassionate Death, $150 :

Price includes 3% charge for credit card processing.

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2017 Vision Quest in Hillsdale, NY, Berkshires

pathway to the woods

pathway to the woods

I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching on fire.

I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise.

I choose to risk my significance, to live so that which came to me as seed, goes to the next blossom, and that which came to me as blossom, goes on as fruit.

-Dawn Markova-


New location in Hillsdale, NY, in the Berkshires

August 9th-16th



The forrest and the stream

The forest and the stream








We are blessed to have a beautiful place to take folks out to Vision Quest.

Hillsdale is right in the Berkshires, close to the Mass. border.

We will have 80 acres on private land to explore deeply the self and the soul through a week of teachings, ceremony and three days and nights solo in the woods.

These mountains here are so powerful. Since I moved here two years ago I have felt their support and my body and soul have found new places of rest and simple knowing.

It is quiet, remote and wild enough to give folks a real sense of being connected to nature and the spirits on the land, without the distraction of the outside world.

I am delighted that they have opened their hearts and home to allow us to have our Vision Quest there.

We will work together as community. I will be going up there this week to put down tobacco, do some ceremony and introduce myself to the spirits and ask their blessings to do a week of Vision Questing there this summer.

I am super excited to share this adventure with you and please listen deep in your heart if you are ready for the call of your heart to give yourself permission to open and open more to who you really are.

If you are ready for this, you should call me ASAP so you have some time to prepare.

Hm is 413-645-3194 and cell 240-441-76743.


Migwich and Peace To You All!!!



Sacred Hand Woman








The forrest takes you deep into the wisdom of the land.

The forrest takes you deep into the wisdom of the land.


Sacred Grandfather await your arrival.

Sacred Grandfathers await your arrival.







Still Waters Vision Quest

Removed from the distractions of modern daily life, guided by your own true nature, and the wild nature around you, dive into the still waters of your soul and find your authentic voice, the one that longs to be heard.

The demands of daily life give us no time to pause, reflect and listen to the voice of our hearts. The Vision Quest is a nature-based rite of passage that has been used in some form since the dawn of man in the search for inspiration.

To open the soul to the universal language of nature, our Quest relies on ancient traditions updated to fit our modern world. This vision quest is based on the simple premise that prayer and spiritual connection to nature can open our hearts and reveal answers to the deepest mysteries of life.


As if three days of solo time in the woods weren’t already a huge gift in a life filled with business and over-stimulation, the sacred and loving support of Rose added immeasurable strength and depth to my time in the Deep. My Vision Quest journeys continue to resonate in my life with wise guidance, deeper awareness of the support of Spirit, and the ‘unexpected gift’ of continued journeys with my fellow Questors.” Becky Carroll, PhD, Washington, DC

This year VQ will be in Hillsdale NY, in the Berkshires.

Here’s our Vision Quest Schedule & Description:

VQ Course Date: August 9th-16th, 2017

Guide: Rose Khalsa

If you want to do the quest, please contact Rose for preparations.

Application: Send to Rose Khalsa, 5 Forest Row, Great Barrington. Ma., 01230

Cost: $700, sliding scale available.

Send a $200 deposit made out to Rose Khalsa

2016 Vision Quest :

Price include 3% charge for credit card processing.

For more info please contact Rose at 413-645-3194 or at

Guides: Rose Khalsa, the fire tenders, supporters and cook.

New Blog: My Son Commited Suicide

Guru Meher in Takoma Park winter, 2010

Guru Meher in Takoma Park winter, 2009

Rose at Apu Ausangate

after the ceremony at the River.

after the ceremony at the River.

Releasing the ashes. The man with the orange turban was the silent angel present

Releasing the ashes. The man with the orange turban was the silent angel present

Gu and Rose at Solstice shelter

Gu and me in New Mexico.

October 29th, 2013

It has been a little over three years since my youngest son, Guru Meher, known as Gu took his life.

It is time for me to share the journey with all the details on how I came to this place where I can share how I not only survived, but healed myself and supported the healing of my family and friends.

It is my deepest prayer that I can somehow help others in their journey of grief and despair.

Along with a weekly commitment I have to this blog, I will be writing my first book called,”The Bone Mother”.

My son took his life at the age of 22. He was an indigo child all the way. Born as a preemie at 2 lbs 8 oz., he almost did not make it here in the first place.

For most of his life I , as his Mom could feel his pain energy body.

We were so deeply connected on a soul level. From the time he was born I always would say,

” The worst thing that could ever happen to me if if I lost Gu.”

Because he was so empathic and psychic, he found ways to numb himself at a young age.

He shared with me how he use to sneak alchohol from his friends houses cupboards

whenever he could.

By the time he was a teenager he was using whatever he could to “not feel” his pain. At the end,  we found needles under his bed from using heroin.

With Mercury in Retrograde, I am remembering allot theses days.

When Gu was at Blaire High School he was constantly doing suicide watches for his friends.

This did not happen when I was a teenager.

Little did I know he was in the same soup.

He was able to hide this  from me really till the end, his desire to go.

His first girlfriend left him because he was trying to cut his wrists. I learned this at his second memorial when she shared why they broke up.

I always knew being”indigo” made you feel not connected to the rest of the world, but I had no idea the amount of the DESPAIR being felt by so many young adults between 18-30. All under Pluto in

Scorpio. Pluto I have cursed so many times as the planet of death and also known as the planet of transformation. I have to keep remembering the LIFE part of the death and rebirth of Pluto.

Still…all I can say is I have experienced total devastation and by the grace of the Divine and

some courage that has emerged from the depth of my heart, I have come to this amazing place.

More on Gu later.

November 19th, 2013

I had two normal and strong boys.

Then came Gu.

He looked like he was an alien when he was born and I had no idea he would be such a heartache.He was a preemie,  2 lbs, 8 oz.

I learned early on that Gu was extremely psychic. I use to tell folks that he would out pass me as far as my shamanic skills. At the age of two he would cry when we would drive by a construction site saying he felt the “pain” of all he trees that were being cut down.

There were many times when he was playing with a friend and one got hurt, I would see him with his hands on them praying or chanting.

At such a young age, I knew he was coming from a totally different place than my other boys.

Guru Meher was loved by all. He was so compassionate, funny, brilliant and real.

He also was an addict.

From a young age he found alcohol to numb out.

His Dad and oldest brother took him to poker night and they would laugh at me for insisting on not letting him drink beer.

In high school it expanded to all other drugs and at the end, we found needles under his bed from heroin.

I have to admit as a parent, I did not now what to do so many times.

I was a single parent after he was ten. We were very close but still, I felt I was somehow figuring out how to manage being his Mom and Dad. And also, how to raise a child who is so different.

Then I learned about the Indigo Children.

Gu was one.

It did not help me in the end.

Allot of his story I will be writing about in my book.

Here I want to express the raw experiences that somehow I can touch others who have gone through the same thing.

December 5th, 2013

Time to write some more.

I think it is important for me to share what I went through before and after my son’s death.

When he was small, after his premie birth and two months living in an incubator, I always felt the worst thing that could ever happen in my life is if I lost Gu.

I would never in a million years have thought he would have taken his own life.

When I was his age it was hard. I left home when I was sixteen to escape what I felt was a prison. Maybe most flower children felt that way. I  did.And that is another story in itself.

For sure I never had friends who wanted to kill themselves.

Suicide had never been in my radar.

I remember when Gu was at Blair, he was constantly doing”suicide watch” for his friends.

Once he told me that and I was shocked. He said,” Mom, why would we want to be here anyway??” It was then that I realized he had these feelings too but wanted to hide them from me to protect me.

All I know is he was an empath who did not know how to protect himself from a very young age. He felt EVERYTHING.

Prozac got him out of the dark hole. But for some bizarre  reason he stopped taking it. Then he started to really unravel and go to drugs to self medicate.

I have to say that the therapist he was seeing( even though Gu loved him) was off the mark so many times. He agreed with his Dad that it was OK to get off the prozac and to move to California to live on his own with his partner in crime, George.

Every part of myself scream…NO NO NO!!!! This is a big mistake. He had just been sober for 8 months and all his support was here in Md.

He was there from Feb. to May when George called Gu’s Dad to say” Get him! He is suicidal.”

When he got home he was bone thin but looked quite different. There was a light emanating from his eyes that was not there before.

Gu told me before he came back that he had had a”mystical” experience of becoming ONE with all of life.He started posting all these “out there” postings on Facebook and we were all wondering what the fuck was going on.

When I picked him up at the airport he was hard to get a read on. I found out later that he was high on LSD. OMG is all I can say now.

This was my son. I had two others who had never been like this. I had no clue what to do but talk to him, my oldest son, Bhagwan and his Dad.

more later….

Post: Jan and, 2014

It is snowing out. Winter. Time for sleep and dreaming.

I welcomed the New Year going to a meditation circle and then chanting and dancing to Krishna, Shiva and the Great Mother at Kripalu ( one of the perks of living here). In one of the prayers I asked to help me to be more of service to the world.

Pain and suffering are all around us. May my life be a beacon of light and hope to all…esp. parents and those who have lost their loved ones to suicide and any tragic death.

I want to share more of the story of my Beloved son, Guru Meher.

As a mother I was so emotionally connected to Gu. Much more than my other boys for some reason. Later in working with my medical intuitive healer, I was able to see and feel in my body, heart and soul the first time Gu and I were together ( 23 lifetimes we counted). We were in Peru and he was my teacher. There was a fire and  he was gifting me with the ” Consciousness of the Universe.” He told me I was his only student who knew and could hold the energy for the masses.

We had many other lifetimes  as student , teacher, husband and wife. I knew the last one he was my husband.

Needless to say, he was my Beloved.

Looking back now over the years as his Mom, I wish I could have protected him more. Mostly from his Dad and his pain. I know this was his own karma he came into this life with.

Sept. 20th, 2010.

For a month I was so worried about Gu. I could feel this INTENSE energy in the house and he did not look good.

His Beloved, Ghi had gone off to Penn State for her last yr. in her art program and Gu was in some way, lost without her.

He told me he wanted to marry her and that she was his soul mate and that he had known ever since he met her in Waldoph School.

I had gone to the beach with my other son and family the beginning of Aug. When I returned, there were ropes hanging from the back and front yard trees and I found a bracelet in the basement with the word”Death” engraved on it. I asked him what the fuck ,and he said so calmly…” Mom, they are telling me 24/7 it is time to go. There is nothing wrong with death.”

I did not know what to do but go with him to his therapist the next day with a promise he would not do anything crazy.

When I looked at Gu those last days it looked like his whole frontal bone was coming out of his skull. His anxiety was off the charts and his shrink was on vacation.

We went to see his therapist and he was so full of shit. He thought Gu had Asburgers ( please excuse the spelling) and I told him his mind was dissolving.

He really needed some strong meds and possibly to go int re-hab . He fooled us all.

Gu told me, his Dad and his therapist that he did not want to go to the hospital and would make it till his Dr. came back to get on some good meds.

His Dad was doing suicide watch with him and took him to the Spirit Fest for chanting and yoga the weekend of Sept 18th.

I went to NY to do a Vision Quest for a few days at Rune Hill, where I had led Quest for many years.

It was right before I left that I was with Gu and Sparky( his therapist). That night a spirit came and stood at the bottom of my bed.

She was an old woman dress in black with long white hair. I knew as soon as I saw her she was from the Death Lodge. She was totally silent and there was love in her heart. She was so wise and filled with compassion.

I thought that since I was going to Vision Quest she had come to help me let go of some of my pain.

But no.

She came to take my son.

I remembered that when I left to drive up to Rune Hill he was packing for the Yoga Fest. That was the last time I saw him alive.

He promised us all he would not do something stupid. He even wrote himself a note( which I still have) that says”don’t do something stupid.”

He found the gun in his father’s house and took a bath, told his father he would be OK in the bath alone, went into his room and shot himself.

What happened after that was the nightmare all parents fear. The police coming to the house at 1am. Driving to the hospital with my oldest son who was crying saying..”He’s gone, he’s gone .” And then getting there and screaming as I saw my son on the bed with his brains being held in by a bandage.

My oldest son, Bhagwan holding me and saying again and again,” Mata, I will take care of you.”

It’s a weird feeling, shock.

I was able to get a hold of my Tibetan teacher, Tenzin Wangyal and he instructed me on what to do as far as prayers and how to help him through the bardo. He told me he would do Powa for him which was an honor.

I asked my closest shamanic student to be the shaman to help my family as I was in too much shock to deal.

It was super hard telling my Dad and family as we had just had his 80th birthday party at the house and Gu had give him such sweet gifts and was so open and loving to everyone.

Two days after Gu sent a message to all of us through Diana’s shamanic prayers. He said,” Forgive me and forgive each other.”

I knew he meant his Father mostly as he was the one who had the gun. Who in their right mind would leave a gun around with a son who wants to take his life??

There was only one thing to do and that was to FORGIVE.

I was so blessed that I was able to reach my teacher and he shared with me to do the bardo prayer for 49 days and also every seven days to get together a a family to pray for Gu. When someone dies a tragic death the soul many times is in trauma and needs the support and prayers of their loved ones and the community to help them on their journey.

So I made a prayer with his picture, had a white candle lit always and some of his favorite foods. Daily I would do the long bardo prayer and ask Yeshi Walmo ( the Bon sacred Mother who I am deeply connected to) to help him and to let me know when he had passed over to the light.

Every seven days we gathered. It was the beginning of the “glue” that we were all grasping for to somehow hold us all together. Mostly Bhagwan, Gu’s Dad and me.

During the 49 days Gu came to visit me often.

A week after his death I was working on a client who was struggling with drinking. She confessed in the session  that she had never healed being abused as a young girl.

As I was getting ready to work on her I was opening the safe space and I usually feel my teachers around the table. I heard clear as day,” There is someone else here to help you today Rose.” Then I heard, ” Hi Mom.’ That familiar voice I had heard for 22 years.

He put his hands on my shoulders and said, ” Go down to her feet and look at her light body.” Now I never even used that term in my work, so I knew it was coming from Gu. He said,” Look at her earth chakra. It is all there.” And he was right. I had never thought of looking there as I was always working on her depression and anger issues.

He then instructed me to place my hands on her pelvis and he helped me to see the ball of blocked energy on one of her ovaries. He said so sweetly,” Mom, you heal with your love, just like this, your love will heal Ghi also.” ( I will tell you who Ghi is soon).

I could feel the hard blocked energy melting under the heat of my hands and the spirit support of my son’s light body.

My client was blown away afterwards and I told her what happened . Interesting enough, she was the one who when I first moved in the house said this house was NOT a good place for me to live. She said that my clients would stop coming, and that is just what happened. Little would I know that what she predicted was from my own son’s suicide.

Guru Meher met a young girl when he was at the Waldorph school in DC. her name was Ghi. He always told me he knew who he would end up with later in life. It was this young woman.

I had never met her all the years they knew each other until I moved to the Pluto house in Silver Spring and Gu had just moved back from California and was living with me in the new house.

They fell madly in love and they both realizes, they were soul mates.

Gu brought Ghi to meet me and we knew as soon as we met that our connection was far deeper than we had expected.

When I showed Ghi all my shamanic drums, alter and sacred space she asked me if I would teach her down the road. There was a non verbal communication of our love for the sacred feminine and earth spirituality.

Ghi was the fourth person to be totally blown away, and devastated by Gu’s death.

It was after the 49th day that I received a message that I needed to adopt Ghi as my daughter, That this process would bring some kind of meaning and healing to us all.

I was also given ( I still do not know if this message came from my spirit teacher or from Gu), that I needed to do a traditional Native American Ceremony called ,” Making Relations” and that her spirit name was to be, ” Swan, Beauty on Water,”. If you knew her you would understand why the name. She is a Goddess and incredibly beautiful from the inside out.

We did the Ceremony and my whole family came. I had always longed for a daughter and Gu brought her to me.

There were many tears and so much support from all the people who came.

We love each other so much!!!


July 3d, 2014

Tomorrow I drive up to Canada to be part of a Unity Sundance.

After eight yrs of dancing on Rosebud, I really did not think I would ever do this again.

It is hard.

But, as spirit works, sometime a good thing that ended can return with a bigger blessing.

For three years now Canada is been coming to me in day and night dreams.

Last summer I kept seeing the Sundance Tree in meditations.

Then, last Feb when I was at a Yoga Retreat, I met Michelle. She was taking the Yoga training there and we became friends. She lived in Canada and told me of a Sundance south of Ottawa that was founded by Grandfather Commanda of the Algonquin Nation.

Then I find out that the man who runs the Dance was a nephew of Grandmother Lillian, my elder .

I am driving up tomorrow and will be dancing, fasting and praying.

The main reason I am doing this came again from Creator.

To pray and dance to bring HOPE to all the men in the world who suffer from the fear that paralyzes them. The men, young and old who commit suicide.

I am gong with gifts for the elders.

I am going with love in my heart.

And I am mostly going with an awareness that miracles can happen from this ceremony.

The sacred circle is ONE.

Migwitch. All My Relations.

Aug. 10th. Full Moon in Aquarius

My experience in Canada was beyond words.

I was greeted by so much love. The first four days I was preparing. I was resting, making my prayer ties and allowing myself to get grounded.

Walking barefoot is a great way to do this. I was barefoot the whole time and it calmed me and gave me energy at the same time.

I gifted the Sundance Chief an eagle pipe and his wife a basket of gifts.

The Lodges at night were hot and powerful.

Creator gave me so much support. I felt safe and just allowed myself to BE and feel what was in my heart.

I could feel grief.

I had three amazing people there supporting me and many at home also.

The support was to help me as I would be fasting the whole four days during the dance. I was afraid I could not do it.

When the dance started I went deep inside to bring a deeper awareness of WHY I was there.

Then, one morning in the Lodge three of the woman spoke of the deaths and suicide in their lives. One young woman touched me so deeply as she had had a continued dream of pulling buffalo skulls to release the energy and souls who were stuck from suicide. These were all young men….just like what I was there for!

She spoke about how she finally found a Sundance that would allow her to walk her dream. As she walked around the arbor holding the buffalo, she saw thousands of souls going up to the sky to be released.And her dreams of this vision ended.


I prayed every morning at the fire with tobacco and asked Creator and the Great Mother ( Weshi Walmo), to help me with my prayers for all the  men.

It was on the fourth day, the first round that it happened.

The drummers were singing the Thank You Song. I was holding my pipe and it was pointing up to the sky. I felt my heart expand to fit the sky…it was beyond anything I could ever imagine. A thousand butterflies flew out of my chest up to the sky. All the suffering, all the sorrow, all the pain was being TRANSFORMED into light and prayers of FORGIVENESS.

I wept and wept.

Then I saw a huge butterfly that had black wings with a yellow and blue dot on the wings and the center was a glowing white light…this butterfly settled into my heart.

I knew at that moment my prayers had been answered and I had simply allowed myself to be a beacon of light for the men in the world.

Afterwards, when the dance was over, I felt such a profound state of peace. I felt ONE with everything and KNEW the only reason we are all here is to experience LOVE.

Love for all.

This was Guru Meher in his essence. He WAS pure LOVE until he could not be here another moment.

My heart prayer is to continue to share the love with the world and to continue to bring HOPE and awareness to those who want to commit suicide and to the parent and loved ones left behind.

All my love,


April 4th, 2015

It is a cloudy day here in the Berkshires.

I am having a hard time getting up these days.

I just feel like staying in my PJ’s and sleeping.

My cranial teacher told me I have PTSD.

I realized I must have had it all my life and it has been quite a journey navigating my life from this perspective.

March 16th was Gu’s 26th birthday. It was a Monday and I decided to see clients. I only go to Md. once a month and when the people want to see me, I take them. It payed my bills for the month.

In retrospect, I should have taken half the day off and had dinner with his Dad or a good friend.

The next day I got a cold. It was full blown and nasty.

I had to cancel half my day and THEN I had the time to deal my sadness and my broken heart.

When I come down there I stay with my oldest son, Bhagwan.

He fixed up his guest room so sweetly for me to be comfortable. It is the room Gu lived in.

I am realizing now how hard it is for me to be there.

When I drove home after working the rest of the week, I started to realized how going back there re-triggered the trauma of his death.

Just driving around I remember places we had gone together. Eating at Mark’s Kitchen is where he worked.

I am learning so much about how to heal trauma from my own experience.

There should be some kind of funding for parents who have had their children commit suicide. They need time to heal, whiteout having to figure out how to pay the bills.

Being back home in the Berkshires is like a breath of fresh air.

September 17th, 2015

It is just a few days before the 5th anniversary of Gu’s passing.

I just returned from watching Meg Hutchenson’s new film called,” Pack Up Your Sorrows.”

Such dedication to educate the planet on mental illness and suicide.

She did a great job and to show about her own journey was very brave.

I met her a week after Gu’s death when we all went up to MN for his second memorial. Meg was there that first night, giving a concert . She played “Home” and I never forgot it. It was about her journey going away to a hospital for her attempted suicide and how she was saved from another way.

And there I was, thinking, Gu should have done that. WE should have put Him in a hospital so HE could find another way. But that is not what happened.

So, I sat there tonight , alone, watching this film and remembering it all.

I feel so many feeling and a part just changed from the core from all that I have endured.

My new granddaughter was just born yesterday…NamBani.

Life and death.

I have a hard time with this life.

Sometimes it just sucks.

November 10th, 2015

This time of year is hard for me. I miss Gu so much and with the simple thing of watching the leaves fall, I feel my own deep pain of loss.

Today as I was walking in the morning I simply allowed the grid to emerge and went with it, instead of pushing it back.

I yelled and wept. More like sobbed. I told him how much I missed him and that is was not right for him to take his life.I kept saying again and again, ” You should be here!! You should be here!!”

With that simple statement a flood of more emotions came to the surface. My anger at his act and anger at myself for not seeing the signs so I could have really helped him.

Funny after 5 years, I still have these feelings of helplessness.

I promised him I would write his story.

I now am.

2016 February 9th

A week ago I went to the Medicine Wheel Prayer Circle in Great Barrington.

It was a special day. Inbolk and Candlemas. I also was feeling anxiety and sadness.

I was delighted to see my friend, Kristine leading the ceremony.

It is a sacred space. We start with smudging and aging out all the stones we will use for the circle. Then we share from our hearts with the talking staff.

When we called on all the angels, teachers and divine beings to come all of a sudden I saw a flash of blue light and then he appeared. Guru Meher.

He came in from the right and stood behind me. It was so real. I could feel his hands right on my shoulders.

I was crying.

He kept telling me he was there to protect me and not to worry. That I would be OK.

He was such a powerful PRESENCE.

He was there for the entire circle.

At one point he started blowing on my crown chakra. Felt like he was dong a healing on me.

The entire time I was being filled with this amazing light and love. He kept rearing me as I had been filled with so much worry about my income and work and Glenn.

Gu just kept saying over and over that he was protecting me and not to worry.

I shared at the end what I experienced and Angela saw a big white bird with wings and a ling tail on my crown. When the circle was over, the woman to my right said Gu was talking to her too and was telling her to tell me to dance for joy as my life was so blessed!

That entire day I was so happy. My son came to visit me.

September 27th, 2016

Last Tuesday was the 6th yr. anniversary of Gu’s suicide.

I can say that word now without totally melting down.

I just got back from my writting class and was making myself a cup of Sleepytime tea.

I am taken with the strong memory of Gu and Bhagwan, sitting in our home in Takoma Park Md. Me in the kitchen asking if they want some Sleepytime. They all say loudly,” Yes please…with honey.”

I am filled with so much grief I just about fall over. Here, now.

I miss my home there and the sweet life I had with my family.

I say sweet, but there were many challenges there in that house.

Mostly with Gu as he was in his teenage years and the battle with addictions. Also, the friends he would bring to the house that were involved with drugs.

And here I am, with my tea, realizing the grief never really goes away.

It hides under rocks and mostly in the tender places of my heart.

I have been going to Md. every 4 weeks to work and have the blessing of renting a room in Bhagwant Singh’s house. He is Gu’s Father.

This is the house where Gu shot himself.

And here I am, doing healing work on many folks in that house.

Many who come say,’Wow, I love this space.”

I just smile and think…if you only really knew what happened in this house.

It has been six years and I am getting EMDR work to help release the trauma from my NS.

It is helping.

This time of year, I many times would just love to not be here, but this year, I can feel my heart is stronger.

I wake each day and do my Jap Ji prayer, yoga and I pray.

When I am feeling not that great, I take a bath and recite the Jap Ji in the bath ( the morning prayer of bliss by Guru Nanak).

I can see myself at the Golden Temple in Amritsar, I see the black crows circling the Golden Temple as the Jap Ji is being recited. I have been there many times.

I feel the incredible healing power of this sacred place healing my heart.

And in each moment this happens, I feel HOPE.

Yes, Hope, for myself, Bhagwant Singh and my son Bhagwan, that we will have the strength to continue in our life.

Our life without Gu.

Our life, knowing our son shot himself because he was in so much pain.

As the leaves begin to change their color and fall, ever so slowing, I feel myself sinking into the grief and it is OK.

It just is and will heal when it does.

I will be going to Peru in a month.

I feel a deep healing will happen there around Gu’s death.

My Pipe is coming and I plan to open the space for healings and ceremony.

Thank you for reading this.

From my heart to yours,


Jan 2017 Full Circle

When I was seeing my healer for the first 2 years after Gu passed, one of the sessions we had we both saw that we had been connected as soul mates for 23 lifetimes.

I was on her healing table and suddenly I saw myself in a cave with Gu.

He was my teacher and he was handing me a huge ball of light.

He told me I was his beloved student and he wanted me to share the Consciousness of Light with the world.

I soon realized that experience was in Peru at the sacred Apu  (mountain) , Ausangate.

With the knowledge that His Holliness has shared that the spiritual medicine of Tibet had moved to the Andes, was even a bigger igniting of finding my way to this sacred land.

I prayed for month on who to go with and I met a beautiful healer and sister , Angela Blueskies. As soon as I met her at a Pipe Ceremony, I knew we were connected on a deep level to Peru.

Angela turned me on to her community in Pisac, which is outside of Cusco. As I researched online the town and the Retreat Center she recommended, I started to get excited!

At the same time a friend of mine from Md. was going with some of her students and invited me. She was going to the mountain I had been waiting for…Apu Ausangate!

So, I began to make my morning prayers to Creator and the Panchmama to prepare me for my pilgrimage .

I knew I needed to go and I was scared because of the altitude…15,000 feet!

I normally have issues with small spaces and anxiety ( when I can not breathe).

I had much to pray about!

My first week at the Retreat Center, Paz Y Luz was totally magical! I had all the time I needed to rest, meditate, take walks and meet new friends. Some I know I will be connected to forever.

The land, mountains and the people touched my heart deeply!

The second part of my trip was to the Sacred Sites in the Sacred Valley…but all I really wanted was to go to Ausangate.

I finally was on my horse, making my way with the group to the camp site at the base of Ausangate.

We were so blessed to have beautiful, sunny weather the entire time.

This was my second time on a horse and I loved it!!!

As we grew closer I just was blissed out. Totally feeling THIS IS WHY I AM HERE!!! On the planet , this moment, feeling amazement and wonder.

Our guides were awesome and took care of everything.

Before dinner the shaman. Isidro, did a coco leaf reading for each of us. I was amazed what he said to me.

” You have been here many times. And will come back many times. You are a very spiritual woman and have come to heal your past.”

Holy Moly, was he ever right on!!

After diner we made a fire to burn the prayer offering we made to Ausangate.

Then I climbed into my tent and realized I was freezing. I could not believe I did to bring warm enough cloths!

I tried to get warm and tried to lay down but within moments, my heart would start pounding and I could not breath.

This went on all night.

I would wake up with a high anxiety attack from not being able to breath ( 15,00 feet!). I would calm myself using my mantra and prayer.

I had to pee a million times, each time having to get out of the tent and it was ice cold with a wind.

At one pint, I saw this horizontal lightning coming from the mountain outside the tent. It also went through my tent. I felt the spirit of the mountain was clearing my energy.

I tried to sleep leaning on my backpack and it pulled my neck out with is just what I needed!

I prayed for the morning to come so I could get out and move around to get warm. I need Ibuprofen and some hot tea.

By sunlight, I was in allot of pain.

My whole front of my body was throbbing.

I realized now, it was all the grief, and fear getting ready to be released.

After breakfast we got on the horses and rode to the Lagoons. This water comes from Ausangate and is used for healing.

The first one is called the Jaguar Lagoon and is where you release your pain.

As soon as I got there my friend, Patti started crying. She said she saw my son, Gu, standing behind me. Then I wept , feeling his deep presence.

He whispered to me,” Mom, this moment is part of your destiny.”

As Isidro cleansed me with his medicine bundle I felt something great leave my body. I felt me soul and heart crack open and an incredible feeling of release. I let go with a shriek that I felt was returned to the mountain.

As I looked once again at the Lagoon, I could see the water spirits there, pulling in the pain and eating it.

In Tibetan shamanism we call these spirits, Masan.

They are needed here to take in in our pain. Hands reaching up, up to take the pain into the water to be eaten.

All I can say is, I was deeply grateful for that incredible moment in time.

We then got back on the horses and rode a short way to the Rainbow Lagoon. This is where the feminine spirit lives. It is turquoise and has a buffalo skull in the center of the lagoon. It was here that Isidro blessed us with the healing waters of the Great Mother.

When we got back to camp I slept like a baby. That night I had an extra blanket and was very toasty. An intense wind was coming dow from the mountain all night. My tent shook all night. It was very intense.

But I was not afraid.

I could almost hear the mountain whispering in the wind….” A time of great change for you Rose.”

I laughed in the middle of the night under my warm covers, reveling in the events of the last day and here I was, becoming the change.

By morning, everything was still.

I sat with Ausangate and asked for His Transmission.

It came to me in the form of light into my crown.

Stillness, Silence and Space.

The three blue pills.

I wanted to stay there forever but we needed to pack up our camp and head down the mountain.

In two days I was home.

I felt totally different.

The biggest shift was in my relationship with Glenn, my partner.

Allowing the pain to be released from my heart, opened my being to love in a new way.

To accept Glenn  for Glenn and to feel the blessing of love in a new way.

For months after my trip I needed to be still and just BE. I could tell something profound had shifted on a DNA level.

The pain and grief is GONE.

Guru Meher is now with me always in the spirit realm. He continues to come to me as blue light and he wants me to go back to that mountain so I can be with him and show others how to heal, their pain and sorrow.

I am now planning to take eight folks on pilgrimage this fall for 12 days. Paz Y Luz for the Munay Ki Rites, sacred sites and Ausangate.

The chapter of pain and sorrow has passed.

Now is a new chapter for love, joy and happiness.

Glenn and I will be married Sept 16th of this year.

Aho Migwich!








































The Chod Practice

pilgrimagesThe Tibetan people have thousands of years of spiritual knowledge that is available for the opportunity to awaken.

I was blessed in my Tibetan shamanic studies to have learned the ancient practice of chod.

There was a holy woman named Machig Lopdron who lived in Tibet. In her deepest meditative  initiation she encountered facing a part of her mind that held fear. This was manifested as a Naga ( snake spirit). In her awakend state she “fed” the snake demon her body as food, so the suffering spirit could be satisfied. In so doing, she allowed the Naga to gain merit and lessened the karma or pain of the spirit.
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The Vision Quest in Ireland

Rose at the clootie tree

Rose at the clootie tree

For most people, there comes a time in their life when deep transitions are happening, uncertainty is around the corner and times when nothing makes sense.

Nowadays, most folks choose Prozac, weed, sex or some other exciting thing that can distract them from what is really going on inside.

Fifteen years ago when the life I knew was dissolving before me I was praying non-stop for guidance and support of where to go and what to do.

I went to see an old man who was a healer. He knew nothing about me. He looked at my palms and said, “You are a shaman.  In a past life, you were an oak tree . Then I started crying as my body trembled,  feeling the words were so true but I did not understand how or why. He said, “Trees are unconditional love . Find your forest.”

Then I moved to Takoma Park where it is also called, “Tree City.” It is here that I have planted my roots for my healing center, and a home  for my family.

After turning fifty I decided to go back to the land of my ancestors, Ireland. It was on that Emerald Isle that I found my true ancestors, the oak trees, during my Vision Quest. I would like to share what happened there.

My brother, Andrew, lead a small group of pilgrims to Ireland in 2007. That year had been a tough one for me. My youngest struggling with alcoholism and I was ending a long relationship that had taken the life out of me, so to speak.

I had done Vision Quests before but never one on land that was so alive and full of the energy of the Goddess.

I am sighing right now as I am writing this, remembering how raw I was once I got there. It all settled in my womb, where I started bleeding, after almost a year of not. It felt like my womb was crying, shedding her deepest sorrows. I felt I was circling downward into Her womb of dark, wet wisdom.

I had never experienced that power of connecting to my ancestors like this. I brought my pain of the struggle with my son to the land and She understood. I brought my heart filled with scars of disappointment and shame and She opened me up ever so gently and simply said in Her sweetest whisper…” You are worthy of so much more.”

Never before had I felt so at home. The green of the trees and the sound of the wind brought me to a place of peace I had longed for my whole life.

Wicklow mountains are the home for Glendalough, a spiritual sanctuary where St. Kevin lived among all the animals and nature spirits. It was on this land where Andrew prayed us out for a day of silence and healing. A gentle Vision Quest.

It was early and there was a gentle rain upon me as I walked to the west. My whole being was seeking comfort and shelter. I was drawn up the mountain and the voice of the Grandfather Oak offered His shelter to me. It was here that I made my sacred circle and settled in for the day.

I slept, prayed, and slept some more. When sleeping I had many dreams and visitations from the spirits on the land. I offered tobacco, lavender and prayed with my sacred Ireland Pipe.

As I continued to be in the deep silence, with the Trees and all the loving energy of the land I had a simple vision. As I looked up, there kept being this circle of light that was being help by the leaves of the trees. As the wind gently blew, this circle pulsated and was totally alive with healing energy.

As I allowed myself to merge  with this circle, I could feel a knowing flowing into me. A knowing that I was part of a greater whole. I realized the circle is life, is myself, is love and all there is.

The rest of my time there continued to unfold with magic, grace and wonderment.

After my experience on this Quest, I have had the freedom from loneliness and despair.

And I also know that a Vision Quest does not need to be about suffering. It is about getting quiet enough with all the distraction of life to be able to listen with my eye, ears and heart.

For the land and all Her glory, and Grandfather Oak.

I am forever grateful.

The Guffa Initiation

When the spirits find someone to work through to help others who are suffering, sometimes that person finds themselves practising shamanic healing.

This happened to me.

Sometimes I wonder how many times I will die and be re-born in this lifetime! And then I remember, I am a shamanic healer. My soul has asked for this , so I have to get use to the ride. And believe me, it has been an adventure!

In my travels to Nepal and studying with the Tamong and Tibetans, we were asked to go through an initiation called the Guffa. It is believed that the shaman needs to go into a cave from anywhere to a day, to weeks,to  pray, do chod ( offering your body to the masson, suffering souls ) and to invite in the hungry ghost. The whole purpose is to test the pure heart of the initiate.

This was my second time to Nepal and we were outside the Kathmandu Valley. My friend who put it together did a great job with hiring local shamans to assist us and add to the deep sense of community.

For a week we spent in a huge tent, sleeping on the floor with out camping gear, praying, drumming, and praying some more. We would drum and pray at the graveyard near the tent area, to call up the hungry ghost. This was all part of the ceremony and I was a simple participant.

Every night as the village folk would come up after their day, we would drum and do shamanic dancing with different masks that would represent the various deities and shadow parts of ourselves. I remember the local shaman’s,  Bell, Samindra, Amma, Maya and Ram would be sharing their particular medicine with the community.

It was so beautiful to see the glowing faces of the town folk, the laughter and joy that we were there. They knew, that what we were doing would help “clean up” the dark spirits, which in turn would bring happiness and joy to the hillside.

In the forest, they had constructed three little huts that each initiate would stay in for how ever long they wanted. The decision was made at the beginning, that most of us would stay for one night.

So, each night, after the evening puja, we would walk the initiate to the guffa huts, sending them off with prayers of protection. At dawn, they would be gathered and walked back to the main tent to rest, as part of the initiation, was to stay up all night and help the hungry ghosts.

The third night was my turn. I was pretty nervous and excited at the same time. I forgot to mention that the first night we were there and we had prayed, drummed and danced on the graveyard, that night there were these spirits that came in the tent and were trying to eat me. I was deep in sleep and all I could do was moan! In the morning Larry asked who was moaning and I just said…” if you only knew..”

Off I go to my guffa hut. There was room for a candle, my drum and my alter, with a cloth curtain for the door. The wind kept blowing it open and it was pitch dark.  Within minutes of me not hearing my friends footsteps, going back up the hill, someone was shaking the hut…it literally felt like I was being shaken up.

I got my drum out and started chanting. I could see with my shaman’s eyes layers and layers of spirits outside the hut. They were all asking me for help. As I began to feed them my body ( chod) and see who needed help passing over,  many started to tell me their story of suffering. I was so moved and chanted and prayed for hours, until I felt they had all been helped. Then I decided to lay down for a few moments.

As soon as I fell asleep I felt myself being pulled out of the hut by my hair. I woke up and shouted, “NO!!” and again began the chanting praying and drumming.

I was taken to NY as 9/11 had just happened a month ago. I stayed up till dawn listening to where I needed to go to be of service. By then, I felt fearless. All I could feel was my soft, vulnerable heart and the sound of my drum and my singing.

As I was brought back to the main tent in the morning, I got a high fever and slept most of the day. I simply allowed myself to feel what was transforming in my being. At the same time, knowing I was in the right place and so grateful to be alive.

After the week was over, there was a huge celebration from the village community, with prayers, food, flowers and many hugs. We also had a fire ceremony, where we walked on the hot coals and brought the “scared flame” back to the people. It was a powerful full moon that night and there was much laughter and joy in the circle!

I had met this lovely village woman named Sita. She would bring us water daily up the mountain. Even not knowing the language, we could share and speak with our hearts ( it was also great to have an interpreter). I will always remember the hugs, knowing we were spirit sisters, with the sweet memories of what we shared with the community.

It was later in the trip that I was able to meet the Tibetan shaman’s in Pokara. There, I felt I had come home. I knew that somehow my shamanic work would be working in the lineage of His Holiness, The Dali Lama.

Years later, I met Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche, and he continues to be my main root lama ( teacher). The Bon teaching are based on ancient shamanic principles and the main protector, is a Goddess, Weshi Walmo, who is the Mother, protector and guardian. She is fearless and she lives in my heart.

My shamanic work is a combination of all the studying I have done over many years and I continue to have gratitude for all the indigenous cultures who have preserved their shamanic teaching, as the Mother Earth and Her children, need this wisdom more than ever!

Soul Retrieval

After my third son was born I went through a deep passage of death and re-birth. The post-

partum took me deep into a very dark place. I am sure the circumstances of his birth contributed, as he was born two and a half months early.

I was having serious thoughts of ending my life and knew I needed to ask for help.

I prayed.

A friend told me of a  woman nearby who was a shaman.

When I went to see her the first thing she said to me  that I was not in my body and she was wondering how I was functioning.

That moment changed my life, because I knew what she was saying was true. I sat there weeping , with total humility and asked,” How do I get back in?”

She said,” Be committed to your healing and come weekly and we will begin the healing journey”.

Slowly, as I had support from her and other healers, I began to call back parts of myself that had fled ( to another reality outside of myself), to be loved, nurtured and cared for.

This process is called soul retrieval. At this time in my life a door open for me. The path of shamanism and earth spirituality.

I began to see the unhealthy patterns I was in, besides the abusive marriage and a community I had outgrown. This community also had supported my silence as far as not speaking my truth. I needed to get out of the box!! My soul was longing for the sacred feminine, which I slowly began to see as my souls divine food.

I would like to share my experience with soul retrieval, as it was such a pivital part of my own transformation.

The body never lies. It also is very smart and protective of our essence.

When we experience trauma, in any way, there is a part of our soul that checks out, so not to feel the impact.

When someone experiences  trauma, they can have energy holes in their body. This is called being “fragmented.” You can see it in someones eyes. They are not there.

Where these parts hang out is a very real place I call The Dreamtime. It is a reality or dimension that is unseen, but very real.

The shaman, with the help of their guiding teachers, using the drum or plant spirits, journeys to these places in behalf of a client and finds the soul parts. In this sacred place the shaman ask their teachers to heal the soul parts before they bring them back.

In this reality everything happens quickly. The spirits come with compassion for us, as they know how we humans struggle here on earth . It is like traveling into the darkness, until we find the places the souls are hiding.

When our teachers say the soul parts are ready to come back, we blow them back into the clients body and focus on the light coming back to them. The love of these soul parts, are like lost children who have found their way home. It is so beautiful.

Then we support the client to begin the process of integrating this new energy, by first just allowing the energy to sink down into their bones and cells. To go deep.

Then I support them to connect to each soul part, asking them what do they need to feel loved and safe. It’s all about wanting to be responsible for being here, to be willing to be “seen” and share our gifts with the world.

Everyone is different in how long they take to integrate the soul parts back into their being. It all depends on their own psyche.

I encourage time in nature to just be with the new energy. To have quiet time to allow them to speak what they need, since they have come back home.

It is a powerful time to create new patterns and let go of old ways that no longer serve them.

We also look at stolen souls and curses that may have been put on a person or family. These can all prevent a person from living a healthy life and are energies that are “unseen” but very real.

The land and places where there has been tragedy are places that need soul retrieval also.

Soul Retrieval is a path to transformation.

It is a part of the healing story.

Since my first soul retrieval, I have probably had ten or more as I patched together my life. The shaman path is who I have become. And I am seeing the death and re-birth process  as a part of life.

I have been teaching soul retrieval for fifteen years in my training called The Shaman’s Circle.

I hope this encourages you to explore this powerful healing tool.

And, I am happy to say, it was totally worth it!!